Self-Care for You When Your Baby is Starting Solids with @drsterlingobgyn Christine Sterling, MD

Christine Sterling (1s):

It's how we live our lives that we teach our children, not the things that we say. The way that I think of it is me living a happy, fulfilled life, where I take care of myself. That's what's going to ensure that I have children that are able to do the same.

Katie Ferraro (15s):

Hey, there I'm Katie Ferraro, registered dietician, college nutrition professor, and mom of seven specializing in baby-led weaning here on the Baby-Led Weaning Made Easy podcast. I help you strip out all of the noise and nonsense about feeding, leading you with the competence and knowledge you need to give your baby a safe start to solid foods using baby-led weaning. Well, hello there. And welcome back today. I am so excited to introduce you guys to my guest, Dr. Christine Sterling, Dr. Sterling is a board certified OB GYN who is here on the podcast today to talk about self care for you.

Katie Ferraro (57s):

When your baby is starting solids. Now you might be like, oh, hold up. I'm skipping this episode. I'm here to learn about what to feed my baby, but hold up because I'm a firm believer in the idea that you can't take care of somebody else. If you don't take care of yourself. So I am fully leaning in to Dr. Sterling's idea and notions of self care. She's going to be talking a little bit about some of the controversy surrounding self-care people say, this is self-care. This is not, she's really known in this space as a doctor who really gets it when it comes to taking care of yourself, because through her workbooks, in our courses and our content, Dr. Sterling is committed to supporting women, not just during their pregnancies, which I feel like a lot of us get tight with our OB GYN when we're pregnant, but she's there for moms after their pregnancies, as they transition to and through motherhood, Dr.

Katie Ferraro (1m 44s):

Sterling's going to be sharing some of her medical expertise. We're going to be talking a little bit about the hormonal changes that are occurring in our bodies that are around the time when babies start solid foods, you may not have thought about it, but this really can affect your outlook, your psyche, your mental health. I will be chatting about things like the pressures and the anxieties that a lot of parents face. And let's be real that a lot of moms face because they tend to be the primary food givers and meal preparers and baby feeders. And as you're transitioning into this new phase of your baby's life, how can this affect you? And how can you take care of yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself and show up for your baby? Because it's a lot of work, everything associated with feeding a baby. So I think you guys are really going to enjoy Dr.

Katie Ferraro (2m 26s):

Sterling's down to earth approach, her expertise, not only as a medical doctor, but then just her humanity as a person and a fellow mom. She's one of the most real people I know in the parenting space. So with no further ado, I want to introduce you to Dr. Christine Sterling. All right, Dr. Sterling, thank you so much for joining me here on the podcast today. I'm really excited to get to interview you all.

Christine Sterling (2m 47s):

I'm so excited to be here.

Katie Ferraro (2m 48s):

Okay. So to begin with, could you just share with our audience a little bit about your background and how you became interested in women's health and how you came to be a doctor as well?

Christine Sterling (2m 58s):

Oh my goodness. It's a long story, but long short. So I'm Dr. Christine Sterling. I'm a board certified OB GYN. I basically became a physician because I come from a family of physicians and I went into medical school thinking I was going to be an orthopedic surgeon like my grandfather. And one day out of nowhere, just one of my mentors was an OB GYN. And I went up to her and I said, you know, I'm thinking about OB GYN. And I said it, but I was like, why am I saying that I'm not, am I thinking about OB GYN? It was like, my subconscious knew that I needed to be in an OB GYN. And she said, you know, that's great. Just know that you're always, when you're an OB GYN, you're always, your practice is always the subject of controversy.

Christine Sterling (3m 42s):

Like you're always in the middle of it because women's bodies are always, you know, it's always political. There's always debate over it. So that has definitely been my experience, but I just, I love taking care of women. I love, you know, even before I became a mom, I was really passionate about supporting people through their pregnancy and helping them grow into the new human that they're going to become. Right. Cause we're giving birth to a baby, but we're also giving birth to a mother. And then when I became a mom, myself, it was like, oh my gosh, it opened up a whole new universe of understanding what this experience really is.

Katie Ferraro (4m 19s):

Tell us a little bit about your family, kids. Where are you at with that?

Christine Sterling (4m 24s):

Yeah, so I have I three and a half year old daughter Celeste and I have a 10 month old little boy named Oliver who was born just before the pandemic. He was like two weeks old when the pandemic hit. So he's quite the quarantine baby.

Katie Ferraro (4m 41s):

So I know you from Instagram and I will definitely share your Instagram. It's @drsterlingobgyn. And we'll link to that on the show notes for this episode, along with everything else Dr. Sterling's talking about that's at blwpodcasts.com/94, but I feel like it's a weird, cause I feel like I know you were both in San Diego and the practice you used to be at. Actually, it's where I had my first daughter. So I know of you, it's just so cool to interview you, but I feel like I know you from Instagram and I feel like a lot of it is because it, did you take time off after you had all of her? Like, did you take maternity leave or do doctors get maternity leave? I don't know. And know how that works.

Christine Sterling (5m 17s):

So I stopped practicing about four months before he was born. I got six weeks of disability. And then I took, I saved up all my vacation and I got six weeks of vacation. So I scrambled together a three month maternity leave. And in terms of like doctors getting maternity leave, it depends on who is your employer? So some like some bigger employers, like yes, like people have great maternity leave packages. Other people don't really get any maternity leave. So yeah.

Katie Ferraro (5m 49s):

Podcasts for all the Canadian moms are like, oh my gosh, they act like we just had this veterinary mom. She's on. She's awesome. She was talking about if you have a dog and like how you incorporate dogs into your family, but not in the feeding environment. And she was like on her 16th week of maternity leave. And I was like, do you still have your job when you go back? And she was like, of course we do.

Christine Sterling (6m 9s):

I'm a dual citizen. I'm actually also Canadian. And trust me, I have, I have thought we have considered moving back to Canada.

Katie Ferraro (6m 15s):

Oh my, gosh. For the next kid. For sure. They didn't do maternity leave. Right. Well, every other country does. So can you tell us a little bit about, for like the, just the term self care? Like I know personally we were researching this episode in the gals on my team were like, oh my gosh, we have to interview her. She can talk about self care. I'm like, I don't even know that. I like hear that term thrown around a lot. Don't know exactly what it means. So could you explain more about the concept of self-care?

Christine Sterling (6m 39s):

Yeah, so basically, you know, there's different levels of self care is basically just taking care of yourself and there's different levels of it. And that's, I think where a lot of the controversy is right now, if you're kind of plugged into the motherhood space on social media, you'll see people kind of arguing back and forth about what is considered self care and what is considered self care. And truthfully there's different levels. So like, you know, obviously brushing your teeth is taking care of yourself, but it depends on how the individual who's using the word self care, like how they're defining it. So if it's something, if they're defining it as something above and beyond, like basic hygiene needs, then we just have to make sure that we're using it the same way.

Christine Sterling (7m 22s):

So is an umbrella term. It just means anything you do going to a doctor's appointment, right. You know, exercise, brushing your teeth. Like there's all these different levels. So there's like our ordinary stuff we do to take care of ourselves. And then there's the stuff that we really need to deal with. You know, that goes above and beyond basic care to deal with the stress of life. We all have stress in life. And those are the activities that we can engage in that help us discharge stress health, help us get closer to ourselves. The truth is, is that, you know, whenever people are kind of arguing over like, oh, shower, self care, shower, not self-care. And what, and always, you know, spending time on social media is that self care or not.

Christine Sterling (8m 4s):

I really don't think you can ever say definitively that a practice either is, or isn't self-care for everyone really depends on the individual. And we are really the ones who determine what self-care, but what activities are self-care for us and what I tend to refer them as anti self-care habits, or some people call them destructive habits, you know, scrolling Instagram can either be self-care or it could be anti self care. It just depends on how you're utilizing it in your life.

Katie Ferraro (8m 32s):

I love that concept too. Like you can't tell me whether or not this is self care for myself. Like you don't really know me and I am also feeling very selfish, shamed. Like I probably did not even brush my teeth today, but it's just something like, if you run a business and you have a lot of kids and you have a relationship, it's something that you sometimes do just naturally put yourself last. Like, I didn't mean to put myself last and not shower for three days, but it just kind of happened. So in my case, like maybe taking a shower would actually be self care and I, you supporting me in that. I'm gonna work on that.

Christine Sterling (9m 0s):

Yeah, totally. And you working can also, you taking time to work. That can also be self-care too, like work isn't always a bad thing. Right?

Katie Ferraro (9m 9s):

My work-life is way, way easier than my home life. Right. And I think a lot of parents feel like that.

Christine Sterling (9m 13s):

Totally, totally.

Katie Ferraro (9m 14s):

So, and I know for the parents that are listening, this phase that they're moving into, right. Introducing solids to their baby can be stressful for parents and caregivers, especially if they lack physical and mental health or haven't been prioritizing themselves. So any recommendations for a mom or a caregiver, a parent who needs to find balance between feeding their infant, but then also taking care of themselves.

Christine Sterling (9m 36s):

So there's a few things to talk about here. First and foremost, if we're talking about a parent who is breast or chest feeding, and we're introducing solids, we have to acknowledge that this can sometimes mean a change in breast milk supply. Sometimes this happens, you know, kiddos start sleeping through the night too. And this may be a time where a cycle would resil. So sometimes when we're introducing solids, when we're changing, how our baby gets their nutrition, that's going to impact us hormonally as well. So realizing that this is not something totally external to us when we are introducing sods for our baby and we're breastfeeding, we still have a connection to our baby's nutrition in our own body.

Christine Sterling (10m 17s):

And we have to take care of ourselves through that period. We know we're starting to see that weaning, not that you're going to actually be weaning when you start solids. But you know, just as a, as an example, we know that weeding may be a time where people are, can be at risk for postpartum depression and anxiety. So it's just understanding that anytime our hormones shift doesn't mean it's going to stay that way, but we can emotionally, it can be challenging for us. So sleep is really important. And just listening to yourself and acknowledging like, okay, this is a period of time where I may be going through some transition. And always as our kids are, when we meet these milestones and our children are getting older, there's also a, there can be a little, like a sense of loss, you know, in grief that, oh my gosh, here we are already.

Christine Sterling (11m 4s):

And my baby's eating solid food. You know, I

Katie Ferraro (11m 7s):

Really appreciate that. You pointed out the potential for postpartum anxiety further down the road. I feel like I know when I had my first child, you, you see all of her office used to work at, there was signs like after six weeks, if you still have the baby blues after six week, you need to talk to someone. I remember being like super hyper focused on like, okay, do I postpartum depression? Like at the six week mark, but like six months down the road, some of this stuff can hit you and we still need to be vigilant and listening to how we feel because there might be a gap where things were going great. And then all of a sudden this new phase kicks in and you mentioned the hormones returning or, or shifting associated with your cycle, coming back, all of this stuff at play can definitely affect how we're feeling. And I think sometimes we just kind of tamp that down cause like, oh no, we got to focus on getting high iron foods into the baby and you know, stuff that maybe sounds important, but isn't the best thing for us.

Christine Sterling (11m 54s):

And, you know, Katie, the interesting is I see this all the time is people will send me a message on Instagram and they'll say, I'm feeling depressed. Is it possible to experience postpartum depression? And when my baby's eight months, the fact that they're sending this message is a symptom of the fact that we have taught people, particularly women, that they can't trust themselves. They need to get reassurance from someone who's in a position of authority that says, yes, this is a real thing. This could be happening to you. And my response is, is it happening to you? Are you depressed? Because if it is, then it's a thing, right? Like, yeah, just, you know, postpartum depression, really, there are technical definitions of, you know, truly, there's no such thing as like postpartum depression.

Christine Sterling (12m 43s):

There's, you know, you're gonna polar major depression with a postpartum onset. That's like the DSM-V diagnosis. So it's not a separate thing than depression. And getting the quantifiable with postpartum onset, you know, currently is within those first six weeks or so. But anybody who takes care of postpartum, people knows that it can happen at any point in the first year and beyond, you know, if you start experiencing depression, when you wane at two years old, is that postpartum? Well, call it postpartum depression. If you want to, you know what I mean?

Katie Ferraro (13m 18s):

They're technically postpartum.

Christine Sterling (13m 18s):

Yeah. I mean, I don't worry so much about the name when you're not like doing research studies where these, the words really have a definition and matter. It's like if you feel like the, your depression is surrounding a postpartum experience, such as weaning, such as, you know, sleep deprivation from your child, like your baby, not sleeping through the night, postpartum depression, if that's what makes you feel better, it doesn't actually, we don't change the treatment based on whether it's postpartum or not. With the exception of really severe postpartum depression that occurs very closer to birth. There are some treatments that are specific to post-partum depression, that inpatient treatments that involve like an medication, but that's a very specific situation other than that treatments the same.

Katie Ferraro (14m 2s):

Okay. So for a mom, who's on Instagram, my baby's eight months old, I'm feeling XYZ. I'm feeling like I'm depressed. What should they do? Should they talk to you? Talk to your OB GYN about that? Like, what if you don't have a counselor? Like I don't know who to talk to.

Christine Sterling (14m 16s):

Yeah, totally. So it really, really depends. Now listen, OB GYN are, it depends on their comfort level with treating depression in general. I will say that probably more OB GYN are comfortable treating depression in a breastfeeding person than say a family doctor who does not like doesn't take care of pregnant people at all. But some OB GYN, don't have a lot of, they don't treat depression outside of pregnancy and immediately postpartum and you'll call their office and they'll be like, oh, you're not postpartum. Go call your primary care doctor.

Katie Ferraro (14m 53s):

At which point you don't have one because yeah, I'll go to a pediatrician for your kids. And then you don't normally I don't go out to the doctor until you get pregnant again. I mean, I know it's terrible, but I wouldn't even know where to go.

Christine Sterling (15m 2s):

Super comment. And you know what it's easier said than done, but then not timed. Most primary care doctors are pretty good at treating depression like garden variety, depression. Now the thing is, is all physicians are not, you know, don't have the same interest level in different disorders. They don't necessarily have the same training. So there's, you can get one primary physician who is like knows, you know, maybe they have even experienced depression themselves. And they're really into managing depression. They're really good at it. And then you'll get another one. Who's like, oh, I prescribed this one medication that doesn't work. I immediately refer out to psychiatry. So really the ideal situation is if you don't have already have a provider who is willing and able to treat your depression, even if you're breastfeeding, because you can treat depression and take medication while breastfeeding, you know, we may change the medication because of that, but don't let anybody tell you that you can't, that's just not true, but there are psychiatrists that are experts in reproductive psychiatry.

Christine Sterling (16m 6s):

And those are like, you know, they're not every part of the world. And every part of the country is going to have, they tend to be in bigger cities, but man, if you can get plugged in with a reproductive psychiatrist, that's phenomenal.

Katie Ferraro (16m 18s):

And I think sometimes one of the benefits of primary care is they are kind of the conduit to getting you to the referral source that you need or might not otherwise know about. Same problem in feeding. A lot of pediatricians are completely, I mean, 90% of physicians in this country have never taken a dedicated nutrition class. And so when parents go to their pediatrician and ask specific questions about introducing, you know, food-based sources of iron versus fortified foods and the pediatrician is like, I don't know, but if there is a problem and they can refer you to a feeding therapist, that's an appropriate use of your pediatrician. And I always respect a credential. Professional says, you know what? I don't know the answer, but I know who can help you because not any one profession is equipped to deal with the wide variety of things that are affecting you as the mom and your baby as a child, and then your toddlers and your teenagers.

Katie Ferraro (17m 0s):

I mean, you know, pediatricians can't do it all. And I appreciate that. You said that sometimes you do have to refer out. Oh

Christine Sterling (17m 6s):

Totally. And you know, some pediatricians, like if they, if they have a bunch of young kids and you know, they've taken your course, so they're like really plugged in, they'll know all kinds of stuff, but then others are like, you would think that, oh, all pediatricians have, this are no all of these things. That's just not the case. Like we human beings, we oftentimes know more about situations that we deal with personally disorders that, you know, we deal with personally. So like as an OB GYN, I happen to know a ton about IBS because I have IBS. So I it's something that I've researched so much. So I've got a patient who has IBS and like, yeah, I can chit chat with you about that, but most will be Joanne's aren't you know, so it really depends on your provider and just ask them, you know, most of us are pretty self-aware like, are you comfortable treating depression in breastfeeding people?

Christine Sterling (17m 56s):

Are you comfortable treating depression at eight months? And if, if they say no, don't take it personally. Just know, okay, you don't want to be treated by someone. Who's not super comfortable doing it because they're not going to get the best treatment. You know.

Katie Ferraro (18m 9s):

One thing, I love about your social media presence is I learned so much from you. I'm like, gosh, I didn't know that there was an OB GYN who would be open to talking about some of the issues that you do. Like my doctor certainly wasn't but that's, you know, there's different strokes for different folks. And I think you might not be my direct doctor, but I can learn so much from you and your online presence. And I know you like to share certainly things about your family. And I'm just curious if you feel comfortable having had two children of your own. Now, are there any struggles that you personally faced around the time when you were starting solids that you can maybe speak to? Cause our parents are oftentimes feeling a lot of anxiety. They're feeling a lot of uncertainty. It's like, everybody else knows how to do this, except me. Or I just got this great bottle, breast pumping situation down, and now I have to go change it.

Katie Ferraro (18m 49s):

Like what are some things that helped you kind of keep yourself together, I guess when you're going through this as a mom, in addition to having your physician background.

Christine Sterling (18m 59s):

Yeah. Yeah. Well, number one, the comparison, like the idea that other go, everybody else knows what's happening. And I don't is that is it's not helpful to us. Right. You know, we are all doing our best and it's really important to realize that we all have different strengths as parents. So my husband is really into feeding our kids. He's into it. It's his thing. I like we'll forget, like my three and a half year old will be like, mommy, are we going to have lunch? And it's like 3:00 PM because I forget to feed myself often. So I'm like, oh my God.

Katie Ferraro (19m 40s):

I would call it, giving yourself lunch self-care but I know not everybody does. So, oh, you know,

Christine Sterling (19m 44s):

Like the way that I eat is different than I think most people I tend to like only eat twice a day. That's just like.

Katie Ferraro (19m 51s):

It's your food culture. It's fine. Yeah.

Christine Sterling (19m 53s):

That's just kind of always how I've been. So I'm not a super food oriented person. And actually my daughter isn't either other than treats. So my son will cry when he is hungry. So that's easy, but Celeste will just like not, she won't complain. And then I will forget. So the idea is I'm not like the greatest in terms of like feeding, like my husband's makes these like wonderful balanced meals and like is always concerned about their nutrition and that's not my strength. I am a really good mom in other ways. And so I realized that the thing that I always go back to is that these children were given to me for a reason.

Christine Sterling (20m 36s):

And it's because I have certain strengths that I believe that these little souls need and me just like taking care of me and being the best version of me is what they need. And you know, I'm fortunate that I, I, you know, also have a husband who's very involved. And so he can, he, where I lack he can pick up, you know? So what I would say is be the best version of you and realize that not, you know, you don't have to be perfect on all of the things and you don't have to. It's not like we innately know the perfect way to feed our children. That's why accounts like yours and courses like yours are available to us. We aren't, you know, I'm an OB GYN.

Christine Sterling (21m 17s):

I have no expertise in how to feed a child. I need to follow a counseling, like yours to tell me exactly what to do, because I want somebody who makes it really easy for me because you are into it, right? Like, you've studied this. This is your thing. I'm going to learn from you not try to reinvent the wheel myself. Cause I don't know what I'm doing. So I would just say lean into your strengths and don't fault yourself for not being all the things none of us can be who has enough time in the day. You know,

Katie Ferraro (21m 44s):

I oftentimes think of that phrase, just like compare and despair. Let people do it all the time. We've actually moved away from using month based recommendations for babies. Because if you didn't switch from purees to a different texture until your baby's eight months old parents will message. Well, how old is that baby in the video? I'm like, I'm not going to tell you because all babies come to their own ability to feed themselves at different ages. And I don't want you to feel like, well that baby's younger than my baby. And look, they have their pincer grasp my baby doesn't or they're eating meat. And we haven't done that yet. Or they've done these allergens, you know, your baby best you are the best mom or parent for your baby. Your baby will learn how to eat on their own. We can provide guidelines or guardrails. Like we don't want to see your two year old with a bottle because of these reasons.

Katie Ferraro (22m 23s):

But if you don't get your baby off the bottle at 12 months of age is at the end of the world. No. So we try to, you know, really, really back off of anything that would make parents feel like, I guess, pressured into comparing their babies to others. And I, and parents love to learn about feeding milestones, but a lot of it you're just feeding into this competitive nature, which, you know, when we live in an era of, well, my baby walked at five months old, well, my baby can play the piano at three months old. It's like, and people say, my baby started eating it four months. Guess what? Babies? Aren't safe to start solid foods at four months of age, just because you can put it on a spoon and shove it in their mouth doesn't mean you should. And I think we sometimes like, get all wrapped up in like, my baby's better than your baby and social media doesn't help that at all.

Katie Ferraro (23m 3s):

So I really appreciate accounts like yours, that like just really like everybody take a chill pill and like let's all look at what really matters. And I'm a firm believer. My husband laughs at me, but I'm a huge believer of you. Can't take care of other people unless you take care of yourself. And so I'm like, really I am probably going to work out before I, you know, do the laundry. If I really prefer not to do either of those, but like the one that's going to help me, it means that I'll have the energy or the strength, et cetera, to then take care of my kids. And too often, I think as parents, we forget that and we start putting everyone else ahead of us, but you always remind us, like you do need to take care of yourself as well, or you can't take care of other people.

Christine Sterling (23m 38s):

Katie, it's as simple as what are we doing as parents? What is our goal? Our goal, I think most people would agree is to teach our, how to do what take care of themselves, right? Like that's the whole role of being a parent is to slowly over time, get these kids ready to live their life. Right? So our whole job as parents is to teach them how to take care of themselves. And let's be real. We're not teaching them that because we're telling them what to do everything we do. It's how we live our lives that we teach our children, not the things that we say. So if we're teaching our children how to take care of themselves and not taking care of ourselves, we are teaching them.

Christine Sterling (24m 26s):

We're just telling them, you will earn time to take care of yourself when you weren't productive and you accomplished these tasks. And we get into this whole toxic belief that we don't inherently deserve. Rest, relaxation, joy, and fun. You know, we slowly over time tell our kids, well, you know, do your kids see you having fun? Even when the to-do list isn't done, like, do they see that with on a regular basis? Hopefully they do because you want them to be able to enjoy their lives. Even when the sink is full of dishes and even when things are in. Perfect. So the way that I think of it is me living a happy, fulfilled life where I take care of myself and I don't feel like I'm always drowning.

Christine Sterling (25m 12s):

That's what's going to ensure that I have children that are able to do the same.

Katie Ferraro (25m 16s):

Oh, that's so powerful. Do your kids see you having fun even when the to-do list is not done. And the reality is the to-do list is never done. So if the answer is no, then you're never, ever going to have fun and especially hard. Like I have tears in my eyes, just listening to you say this because during a pandemic, like, I feel like all the things I used to really rely on as an outlet are gone, like adult night, date night, five freaking seconds away from my kids. Like it's all gone. So if those were the things that you used to thrive on it, sometimes we do have to shift. You still have to find time for yourself. Even in, you know, a lot of people living in small quarters with the same people over and over and every day, three meals, these kids have to eat. Like it doesn't go away and it can be very overwhelming. So you're a mess. It's like, okay, what is the role?

Katie Ferraro (25m 56s):

His parents mind is like, sometimes it's just to get to bedtime, but I mean, it should be yes to teach them how to do things on their own. They're like, could I please just be bedtime?

Christine Sterling (26m 4s):

Today is different, right? That's like the overarching, like what is our goal here? Our goal here is to get them to be able to take care of themselves. Like we, you know, we're not raising them to take care of, you know, which was, you know, that we're raising them to take care of themselves. And if they want to circle back around and take care of us with older, that's cool too. But really our job is to be like you eventually.

Katie Ferraro (26m 27s):

And there's so many parallels with feeding. Our job is to teach them how to feed themselves. Like we expect babies to be, we need to be responsive feeders when we're bottle feeding or breastfeeding. And then we expect toddlers to be able to feed themselves. But this whole six to 18 month period with traditional spoonfeeding, we just take all of that autonomy away from them and think, okay, well we're the ones that need to be feeding them. But with baby-led weaning, we see that it's the opportunity to allow babies to do what they're inherently capable of doing and want to do, which is to feed themselves. But ultimately we're just there to help guide them down that path. And so I always try to remind parents, it's not your job to make your baby eat, right? Your job is to do all of the other things about setting up through your baby for eventual success, but they don't wake up on their six month birthday knowing how to feed themselves.

Katie Ferraro (27m 11s):

That's the whole point of the weaning period. It's this practice period. And I think when parents kind of get that message, they realize, oh, this actually can be fun. If I realize most of their nutrition is still coming from breast milk or formula, they're learning how to eat. I don't need to count calories or milligrams of iron or ounces or grams. If you give your baby the opportunity to practice, they get it. Eventually. No one goes to kindergarten, not knowing how to feed themselves.

Christine Sterling (27m 35s):

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really like, I don't know. It's like, let's take up the stress. There is enough stress in life, right? So comparing ourselves and our children to others, typically what you'll see when people do that, I think it's a really good question to ask yourself, if you find yourself comparing or worrying or stressing, or maybe potentially being over-focused on one area of your child's life, you may ask yourself like, what am I really hungry for when I'm doing this and being gentle with yourself? Because often times we are really obsessing over our child's milestones because we're not feeling a sense of fulfillment from what we're doing.

Christine Sterling (28m 17s):

Right. We're looking to our kids to kind of fill that. So that doesn't mean there's any, something wrong with you that you're looking. That's a beautiful thing. I'm looking to feel more fulfilled. I'm feeling a little empty. I want to feel more fulfilled. I want to feel a sense of accomplishment and maybe what's going on in my life right now. I'm not feeling that. And so I'm kind of looking to my kid to feel that fulfill that sense of accomplishment. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. All of us want to feel a sense of accomplishment and a sense of fulfillment. So that's coming from a really beautiful and vulnerable place. But when we look to our children to fulfill that it doesn't work and it ends up making things worse so we can ask ourselves, all right, what is something I can do that actually makes me feel fulfilled?

Christine Sterling (29m 5s):

You know? And it doesn't have to be some, you know, winning a fricking gold medal. It can be like, you know, I actually really, I used to really like to draw and I don't do that anymore. And I really liked that drawing and completing a picture. And like, that feels really good to me. Like that's, when self-care should move you closer to yourself, it should help you feel more at peace in your life. And it should bring you some joy admits the imperfect journey because parenting life will always be imperfect. And it seems like so many of us have just convinced ourselves that like life is going to someday look perfect, like it on other people's Instagram's accounts.

Christine Sterling (29m 46s):

And that's when we'll be happy and wow, we're never going to get there.

Katie Ferraro (29m 49s):

Right. Wow, you just summed it all up. It's like, you shouldn't feel guilty about feeling good. And I think so many parents do, like, I would love to take piano lessons, but then that would be another half an hour that I'm not with my kids on top of working. And when would I practice? It's like, but if you don't do anything for yourself and you only live for your kids, exactly what you said was true. We can't look to our children to fulfill, especially the adult needs. Like I find so much of parenting. So incredibly tedious, like the minutia, I don't enjoy it. And I felt like that when I went to feed my babies, like I was like, this should be more fun. I used to like food and that's kind of part of the whole why behind the a hundred first foods movement is to make it fun, to make it easy, to make small wins every day.

Katie Ferraro (30m 34s):

When you try one new food that these accumulate over time, and next thing you know, your baby's and independent eater, they've tried a wide variety of foods. You actually enjoy mealtimes with them versus dreading it, which so many parents do. And I think once you are okay with saying that, like I dread X, Y, or Z, you're like, it's not the end of the world to say those things out loud,

Christine Sterling (30m 54s):

Katie. And as to your example about playing the piano, just think about what a beautiful lesson and message that would send to a child. Here's my mom. She is, I don't know. She's 37 years old. Thank you. Can I get it? Know whatever age she is. She's 28, 45, whatever she is. And here she is learning an instrument for the first time. You know, you could tell your child 150 times there it's never too late to learn, or you will always continue growing. You can tell them these things so many times, but what is far more powerful is living that.

Christine Sterling (31m 38s):

So taking piano lessons, doing something for yourself, you know, that means something that's a lesson there. And it means so much more than just telling them something.

Katie Ferraro (31m 46s):

Oh my gosh, Dr. Sterling, I'm so inspired. Thank you so much. I literally have tears in my eyes because I went to bed every night, listening to my mom, play the piano. She had six freaking kids too. And I'm like, she was also pretty bad, but I like loved that. She tried. I'm like, I'm not there yet. Like how did she do that? You know, you think again, comparing yourself to other people, but it starts with the first step, which is just to do something for yourself. So thank you so much for sharing these words of inspiration for us. Could you let us know? Where can we find out more about your work, your content? I mean, you in general are so inspiring. Like I need more Dr. Sterling in my life.

Christine Sterling (32m 18s):

You can follow me on Instagram. I'm Dr. Sterling, OB GYN. And yeah, I talk a lot about self care. A lot about taking care of ourselves, motherhood from preconception through pregnancy postpartum and beyond.

Katie Ferraro (32m 30s):

Well, thank you so much for being here. This was so amazing to speak with you.

Christine Sterling (32m 34s):

Oh, no problem. It was an honor to be here with you.

Katie Ferraro (32m 37s):

I hope you guys enjoyed that episode with Dr. Christine Sterling. She is for real down. One of my favorite people in the parenting space, especially in the online social media space, she gets it. She's so down to earth. I really appreciated her message about needing to take time out for ourselves. You really can't take care of other people. If you don't take care of yourself and we shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to do what's right for ourselves and engage in whatever it is that we consider. Self-care maybe that's taking a shower. Maybe it's in Dr. Sterling's case taking a break and actually eating lunch. Regardless if you guys are not already following her on Instagram, check her out @drsterlingobgyn. I'm going to go ahead and link to some more of her content and resources on the show notes page for this episode, which you can find at blwpodcast.com/94.

Katie Ferraro (33m 21s):

Thanks for listening guys. See you next time.